Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
