My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
