So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
