i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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