"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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