i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
