I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
