know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
