An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
