I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
