Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
