The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
