Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
