After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
