I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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