Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
sarcasm needs its own font
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
