no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
