Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
