I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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