My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
