Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
