i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
