okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
