I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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