dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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