My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
