Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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