Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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