Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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