She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
