no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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