I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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