Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
