NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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