Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
