You just made me feel so damn special
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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