she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
