my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
