he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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