so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
