There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
