good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
