We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
