Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
