he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
