Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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