Whod you bang
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
