Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
