it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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