tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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