My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
