I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
