11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
