Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
